Where I Stand

I just came from a random small group I don’t usually attend, but on a whim a friend invited me along. 

They were out of habit tonight and rather than study the bible like normal, they just had a sharing time. 

For a lot of months, my Spiritual walk has largely been a me and God affair. I have loved it. When it is just me and God, there is nothing to compare to but Himself. There is such joy at that intimate discussion, disclosure and growth that occurs. I still had opportunity to share, but it was mostly small, one on one discussion with a sister, my mom, or a friend.

But God desires us to share and grow as a body. So as I sat tonight and listened to my sisters in Christ share their struggles, share what they were learning I had to fight a sort of shock. 

There was so much to know! There was so much to struggle through! So much that I am so ignorant of! It was so overwhelming to me coming off my past few months. 

I sat there and started to get, not encouraged, as was the intention of the time, but discouraged, bogged down by all the things that were being tossed around to think about. Moreover, a strange sort of urgency, and stress came on, that I needed to stop life, to hurry up, to force myself into learning all these different things. 

That was wrong. 

Yes, I need to be challenged by sharing with others, and seeing their growth. Challenged, not to match it, but to continue to pursue my own growth. I don’t need to hear these stories and compare to all I know or have not known and find a value for my self-worth on whatever side I can check the most off on. I need to remember that all the different stories, came from all different people. It was not one person unloading all their knowledge, because God teaches us all differently. He teaches us all on different timing. There is no standardized test with God that He has for every year of life. We do not have a grade point average that warrants better scholarships or more elite schools. 

So many times this past year God has reminded me to live where I am. To not think about how temporary my stay in a place may be, but to think about the opportunities afforded me in that moment. This is one of those situations. 

As I sat there tonight I was tempted to take notes on all the things that I had not learned, and go home, chuck the things God has been laying on my heart out the window, and work on those so I can “keep up” with these other people. 

LIES! FALSE! NO!

God has me where I am for a reason. He is teaching me what He is teaching me, for a reason. Following that logic, I was at this bible study/share time for a reason. 

Not to say that I know all the reasons, but I believe that the topic of this post is one of them. 

I have been in such an intense, one on one growth time with the Lord, that to go back to a more community-like environment was almost culture shock, but in just four short months I will be fully immersed in a community like environment. 

I would have never have thought to consider this on my own, but God being what He is (AWESOME), and being as faithful as He is to teach me what I need, when I need it, did think about it. 

I have been nervous about some various things in my future, but tonight, in this one event, God has reminded me of His faithfulness. It is not on me to prepare, to plan, to research my life, because I don’t know it. My job is pursue Christ. He has time and again proven He is faithful to teach, to encourage, to challenge, and to grow where I need, when I need it.

Yes, I am ignorant, self-focused, squealing toddler of a Believer. I have learned so much in the past year, and one of the biggest lessons is how stinking little I know. I have not even gotten to the cusp of knowledge. If the Magellan Straight represents knowledge, experience, or maturity in Christ, then I am in Alaska on a tricycle. But that is where God has me, and He will take me as far and as fast as I need at that time. I just have to keep pursuing Him and trust Him to be, well, God.