Till My Lungs Give Out

If you look at the sidebar of this blog you will see the amount of posts I had last semester is vast in comparison to the three I have had this semester. This is in part due to my increased business of schedule and in part due to my apathy.

Mumford and Sons has a song called, "I Gave You All" and in that song there is a line, "...if only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won...". This semester I won in so many ways. The Lord blessed my socks off in many relationships that have encouraged me and in many ways changed my outlook on life and myself...it's been fantastic. But I lost in a huge way when I stopped actively pursuing my personal relationship with God. I began to realize this about a month ago and began to plan how to fix it. This is wrong on so many levels, you don't plan to fix, you just fix. There is a certain level of disgust that I have with myself over this, but this morning God just began to remind me of His Grace. As soon as I stopped planning and turned around to face my shadow God is here, fighting with me.

Today I sat out in my hammock to sketch about these thoughts and ended up writing a poem that in effect sums up my semester. I have failed (see past thoughts on failure here) but God takes me failure and all and it is indescribable. I am sharing this with you all so that you know even more that anything awesome in me is God and God's grace alone, because when I leave Him, I am nothing. My life means nothing. The blessings in this semester in the midst of my failure is a testament of His unfailing love for me. Indescribable.
   

"You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same, You are amazing God."

I lie awake.

I turn it over in my mind.

The lie processed into truth.

I'm wide awake, and still dead asleep.

They pass by.

They see the smile, the tear.

Another pass and they see lips and eyelashes.

By and by, they see my face, but its behind a veil.

Inside, chaos reigns.

Inside, my eyes see into my head, my heart.

Finding chaos, my eyes focus out, to you.

He supremely reigns, but I am immigrating away.

Called firmly back.

Called with love and care.

I firmly believe it is best to return.

But I'm back against a wall, refusing to step.

Stunned by Freedom.

Stunned, as my ground begins to shake.

Truth by a lie is no sort of foundation.

Screams of freedom escape my lungs.

Leading the attack.

Leading me with a strong hand.

Obliterating the fear in my "safety".

We go attack the lies.

Till my weak soul lives free.

Stay tuned for a photo blog of my last bit of time in Greensboro. (Still working on getting images off three different cameras)

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