One Moment

For she said, 'I will go after my lovers,

   who give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.

'Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns, and I will build a wall against her, so that she cannot find her paths. She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them,and she shall seek them but shall not find them. 

Then she shall say, 'I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now.'And she did not know that it was for it was better for me then than now.

'And she did not know that it was I who gave her  the grain, the wine, and the oil,and who lavished on the grain, the wine, and the oil,and who lavished on her silver and gold, which they used for Baal.   

Today I drove through an intersection, the one at Spring Garden and Chapman. Every time I drive through that intersection I can't help but think one thought, "What did I really gain from turning left?".

No, its not a metaphor for my political position. Last April 1, I came up on that intersection and was too impatient to wait for the cars in front of me to go straight through the light, so I turned left. 12 seconds later I no longer had a car. I was no longer going to camp that afternoon. I was deeper in debt to my parents. I lost my independence to drive wherever I needed. I lost one stable thing in my life. All because I didn't want to wait for the light?

I ask that question, but I don't believe it true. I believe firmly in the sovereignty of God. So I don't get too caught up in the "what if?" element of that experience in life, or any experience.

This summer at camp, our theme was "Pure" and one of the talks that James gave was about the refiner. The process of purifying gold consists of boiling it, burning it in the hottest fire until the impurities are either burned away or float to the surface. Reflecting on these past few months, that decision to turn left and the subsequent consequences were a catalyst.

All the growing that I have done have come out of a realization of my inadequacy. That started when I failed at braking my car fast enough. And failed at making enough money to fix it. And failed to fullfil what I committed to at camp that weekend.

I fail. Failure is not desirable, its not something to aspire to, but it is acceptable. The moment you stop accepting your failure is the moment you get stuck in an endless cycle of it.

Therefore, I will say this. From turning left I gained inordinate amounts of humility. I gained inordinate amounts of Grace. I gained an increase awareness of my inability and ergo and increased awareness of God's. I'm going to stop there, because that is the crowning point.

An increased awareness of God.