Victorious

“The waves are crashing down on me

But I know that this cannot be the end, be the end...

Right now I feel like copping out

Will You hold me up, if I just say

That I will stay

I will hold on to this hope that I have

You gave me a promise

I'll push through this moment, I'll never give up

You gave me a promise”

(You Gave Me a Promise - Fireflight)

Panic. 

It happens to everyone at some point in our lives. Some more than others, some significantly less.

I fall into the later category.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.’ 

(Matthew 6:34)

This sometimes helps me and other times not so much.

It helps me because 95% of things that trouble others just roll off my shoulder, because people freak out about things that have already happened or things that are inevitably happening. There’s not a lot you can do about either of those. It does not help me because when it happens to me it get's multiplied because the feeling of freaking out is so foreign, I freak out more.

For the past month I have been fighting with one huge panic attack.

I call it a panic “attack” with purpose. Yes, it’s a well acknowledged expression, but it is also what I believe that it is, an “attack”. There is nothing biblical or God-like about freaking out, in fact we explicitly told more than once to not freak out. Therefore, logic lends me to believe that if it the opposite of what God tells us, then it is literally an attack from the devil.

“I look out the window 

The birds are composing

Not a note is out of tune 

Or out of place

I walk to the meadow 

And stare at the flowers

Better dressed than any girl 

On her wedding day

So why do I worry?

Why do I freak out?

God knows what I need

You know what I need.” 

(Your Love is Strong - Jon Foreman)

Satan wants us to freak out. To abide in stress. Panic and stress distort or hide God.

“God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.”

(2 Timothy 1:7)

 As I struggle with this demon of fear, I thank God that so far the only thing that has allowed peace is the reminder of His love, grace and provision. Because in reality, nothing else is strong enough to defeat to satan. In fact, it’s not something that He is strong enough to do, it’s something that he did 2000 years ago.

I have found the condolences of people, even my parents fruitless. The reason of my own head that screams that there is literally nothing I can do is muffled by Satan quietly whispering that I have failed. That I am a failure. Why do I give power to that whisper?

I once read a fictional book called Impossible. This book had absolutely nothing to do with God, but was rather based on the folk song “Scarborough Fair”. It was the story of a girl whose ancestry was just women after woman having a daughter at 18 then going insane, because a long time ago her great (x12) grandmother had refused to go with some sort of mystical creature (elf, gnome, wizard) and he had put a curse on her line. To break the curse she had to complete three impossible tasks before her baby was born. She did because she had supportive parents and a childhood friend turned boyfriend turned husband to help her. The final scene of the novel takes place in a small fishing cabin where she has her baby due to having to complete the final task. The wizard shows up anyway to take her (all of her ancestors were crazy because after they had their daughters they were forced to go with him). He makes her a deal that he will spare her daughter and husband if she comes willing and she almost agrees. Then her husband, I think his name was Zack, suddenly realizes that because the wizard is making deals the curse is already broken and he has no power over Lucy anymore. He is correct and the Wizard is forced to die, since it was the curse keeping him alive.

The whole book was entertaining to that point. At that point I was struck. Satan is defeated. We entertain him in our panic attacks when we give into them. We give him a power that is not there.

“There in the ground his body lay. 

Light of the world by darkness slain. 

Then bursting forth in glorious day, 

up from the grave He rose again. 

And as He stands in victory, 

sin’s curse has lost it’s grip on me. 

For I am His and He is mine, 

bought with precious blood of Christ.” 

(In Christ Alone - Stuart Townsend)

I have a friend who once said that she wanted to throw her fist up in the air at the triumphant victory proclaimed at the end of the song, “In Christ Alone.” The idea of victory is not often associated with God. We speak of His love, His grace, His justice, His faithfulness, but what about His victory? He is the ultimate victor. He didn’t defeat a big army, or corrupt ruler. He defeated death. We are no longer bound to it.

“When Satan tempts me to despair. 

And tells me of my guilt within.

Upward I look and see Him there, 

who made an end to all my sin.

Because a sinless savior died,

my sinful soul is counted free.

For God the just was satisfied,

to look on Him and pardon me.”


(Before the Throne -Charles Bancroft)

How do we comprehend that? We are not only pardoned, we are free. Free. We are not bound to despair. We are not bound to failure. We are not bound to panic. We are not bound to fear. We are not bound to sin. We are free.

“He has cheated

Hell and seated

Us above the fall

In desperate places

He paid our wages

One time once and for all.”

(Death in His Grave - John Mark McMillan)

Tomorrow we celebrate Easter. God could not have better timing. Tomorrow is the celebration of my freedom. Tomorrow is the day I throw my fist in the air and proclaim that God’s victory has sealed my freedom. Yesterday, today and for all eternity.

“Let no one caught in sin remain

Inside the lie of inward shame

But fix our eyes upon the cross

And run to Him who showed great love

And bled for us

Freely You've bled for us

Christ is risen from the dead

Trampling over death by death

Come awake, come awake

Come and rise up from the grave

Christ is risen from the dead

We are one with Him again

Come awake, come awake

Come and rise up from the grave

Beneath the weight of all our sin

You bowed to none but heaven's will

No scheme of hell, no scoffer's crown

No burden great can hold You down

In strength You reign

Forever let Your church proclaim

O death, where is your sting?

O hell, where is your victory?

O church, come stand in the light

The glory of God has defeated the night

O death, where is your sting?

O hell, where is your victory?

O church, come stand in the light

Our God is not dead

He's alive! He's alive!”

(Christ is Risen - Matt Maher)