This past summer, one of the biggest things I learned was the significance that everything I have, and am, that is truly good has come directly from God, even more, God working through me. It was wonderful, but it is one thing I have since been trying to forget.
"Trying" not in the sense that I am consciously putting it out of my mind, "trying" as in I have let it disappear.
Camp is a huge element of my existence. The two components of camp I love the most are the community of brothers and sisters that surround me there, and that every morning you wake up with a pressing knowledge that you will not survive the day without Jesus. But here's the thing, I seem to have left that at camp.
I think what God is teaching me this semester is that "camp" is not bound to camp. Camp should be year round.
I have always admired my sister-in-law for the fact that she is very honest that she does not survive without time with Jesus each day. I aspire to have that yearning. I want to collapse without Him.
This week God's grace has addressed two things, and wouldn't you know? They are the same things I love about camp. Community and need.
Community.
Last night, through no plan of my own, I had an amazing night at my school's BCM meeting, simply because I had the opportunity and privilege to begin and build on several relationships with my brothers and sisters in Greensboro. It reminded me of the fellowship of camp. There were several moments of instantaneous connection. As I was driving a newly acquainted brother back to his apartment he asked me how long I had known the two girls that had been in the car moments before. I told him two weeks. He was shocked because we had seemed so close. The only response I had was, "That's the power of Jesus."
I have been crediting camp with creating those instant bonds of friendship. Camp doesn't do that, God does. What camp does is mercifully eliminate so many distractions that keep us from seeing that.
Need.
A biggest motivation I had in pursuing dependence on God this summer was the realization that I had been charged with caring for and leading so many impressionable children. I don't know how people do that without God. There are so many things to do wrong that we don't even think about. My head counselors, program directors, and directors over my three years in the cabin have been amazing at helping me see areas I need to work in and God has been amazing and making me see I can't work on them, I can only give them to Him.
This year I am a part-time nanny, regular babysitter (there's a difference), and a Sunday School teacher. I feel strongly that God has placed me with the family I nanny for, for a purpose. Up until today, I had selfishly thought it was because they needed character traits that I have (still true, but those traits are only there because of Jesus). Today I realized I need them. These kids are amazing, but they challenge me. Not my authority ( or very rarely), but we don't have an instant connection. We struggle to understand each other, and to communicate well. My youngest is constantly pushing boundaries to see where I let her cross. Today I realized that I am with this family for a lot of purposes, but the one I have been ignoring is that I need them. I will never be able to do real good for these kids without Jesus. He created everything about them that I can't see, everything about them I don't understand, everything about them that they hide. I am running blind without Him.
God has used kids to teach me so much throughout my life. Not just things like listening, and patience, but things about me. One big one is that I have yet to find a mountain that I do not want to move for the sake of a child. Any child. Children are the most amazing, fascinating, and awe-inspiring gifts God ever made and its terrifying. A child is a developing adult. Things they experience under my care, influence their entire lives. I can never ever make light of that. Which is why the knowledge that I am in charge of a child often shows me see a slew of my problems.
Both of these aspects that I cherish about camp, and long for when I'm not there are things that do not make up my relationship with God, but rather are the most effective tools for getting me to see the half life I live without Him, and Jesus knows it, and I can not thank the Lord enough that He does.
Camp is still one of the most amazing experiences and times of my life, but I think I need to learn know how to make it year round. Not just the fellowship with the staff, but energy, the fervor, the love, that I have experienced for the past three summers. There is no doubt that when I am at camp I am at a all time high, in every aspect of my life, but I need to be dependent on God alone. So her is my final manifesto:
Dear Strong Camp - I adore you. God has used you in countless ways in my life and quite clearly still does. I will, Lord willing see you next summer (#5!!!) and I will adore it, but I refuse to be dependent on you anymore. You are just buildings and earth and shells of souls. You are dead without God and God is everywhere. God brings you alive with His Spirit, and His Body, my brothers and sisters; therefore, I am resigning you to just a place. I am sorry, but the role of state of being will now be given to God so I can live the life I love at camp all the time. I think it is for the best. Take heart in knowing that you are one of the dearest, funnest, places ever! But a place nonetheless. I am confident that this will only better our relationship, so take heart. See you in May!!!
Love,
Me.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:20-21
