Dear Wonder,

A friend of mine once wrote -

" I would like to hold myself accountable to keep changing. To keep looking at the stars and being amazed. To love God and His people. To remember that whatever I may be going through that the Creator of the seasons and the Author of these thoughts knows exactly what He is doing."

I love this. My favorite part is "hold myself accountable...to keep looking at the stars and being amazed." When was the last time you did that?

I believe in wonder. People are so easy to loose it. To stop looking at the stars. To stop feeling the breeze, to stop looking at the world around them and wonder and it's beauty. Even in the middle of Greensboro, my city full of ghetto, gangs, trafficking, and the 2nd worst allergies in the nation, there is things to find wonder-full. God is my biggest one. 

I wonder at God. God who gives so much. God who loves me, when I continually screw up. I just spent the ten minute car ride home in a mixture of sobbing and laughing because I was so overwhelmed with the generosity of the family I work for and the Grace of God that my job is doing something that I absolutely adore. Why in the heck do I get to do that? Why am I so blessed?

Tonight, after the kids went to bed, I was channel surfing. I landed on AMC where Independence Day was playing. I watched Bill Pullman's President character give his speech to the pilots about to go up to fight the massive space ship in that speech he spoke about fighting for their right to live. 

Since when did we have a right to anything? What in the world have I done to deserve the life I have been given? I'll tell you - nothing. I know how to work with kids. That is a gift God gave me and I delight in it. I get paid very generously - and it blows my socks off every time they hand me the check. The grace of God boggles my mind. 

We have become a people who look for what we deserve. As many times as I may think I would do my job without the pay check I think a couple weeks in I would be looking for compensation of some sort. Even as I do my job, I expect the families to be okay with me eating their food, because I am watching their kids instead of cooking for me and I deserve to eat. It is my "right" as a human being to eat. 

This writing is either ill-timed or perfectly-timed at Christmastime. Around this time of year, people are more likely to take account of what they have. At the same time, they just as likely to be looking for they deserve (being with family, presents under the tree, time off work, bonus checks). 


I watched Charlie Brown Christmas last night and actually paid attention to the words they spoke for the first time. Charlie's little sister at one point says plainly of her list to Santa, "I'm just looking for what I deserve, I'm looking for what's coming to me." 

You know what was coming to you child? Death. Chew on that. 

The wise, blanket toting member of Chuck's gang brought the whole episode together by quoting the story of Jesus. However, people ( yeah including me)  get hung up on the manger, the wise men and the whole prophecies thing. We don't get hung up on the simple fact that He came. My verse for the Christmas season is not from Matthew, Luke of Isaiah, it is from 1 John 4:9 

"By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him."

I have had "love manifested life" written in sharpie on the inside of my arm for the past two days and plan to keep it there for the rest of the season, because I want it to remind me that because of Christmas I have life. I don't have it because I wasn't aborted. I don't have it because my parents had mutual friends in college. I don't have it because my grandmother walked into the SUP store at U of Alabama in time to hear my grandfather give a speech. I don't have it because my ancestor escaped Prussia before freaking Fredrick the Great could kill him. I don't have it because it is my right. I have it because 2000 some years ago the love of God was manifested in us by coming into the world so that we can have life. Every year I am reminded of this, and every year despite my failure to hold on to it, it rings true. That is a testimony in and of itself. 

This is Christmastime, I am overwhelmed by Grace given me through my employers who as far as I can tell have not even bothered to explain to their six year old that some people believe in a thing called God. Every day is given and here as a result of what we celebrate on Christmas. Love. Manifested. Life. 

Therefore I challenge myself to keep walking forward, to keep searching and getting to know the God that knows my everything and still showers me with amazing grace. I want to wake up in the morning and thank Him. I want to lie down at night and bless Him. I want to merge onto 1-40 west and sing His praise from every ounce of my being, because I can. Not because it is my right, but because it is His gift. 

Thank you Jesus. You rock my world. 

Click this link to my latest theme song - for the purposes of this post, I want to highlight the bridge.

"You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North

Dear Family, You Make Me Laugh.

As the holiday season snowballs in, I begin to miss my family more and more. They support me, listen to me, talk with me, hug me, and most them our OCD about handing me tissues when I cry, but what I really miss around the holidays are the laughs. It has been said more than once that my family could be a successful and entertaining sitcom. So I have endeavored over time to jot down some of the things that come out of their mouths. Some may seem lame to you, but if you know my family you can imagine the delivery. I thought I would share some of these "insights" into life as a member of the Gray Family with my seven followers. So for you enjoyment, I present - the words of the Family De Grau.

Dad: (On the low amount we were reimbursed by our aunt for the co-op order that included 30 ibs of organic raisins) "What? They only took two pounds of rasins?  You need to start telling Mark (Uncle) he looks constipated."


Gigi: (on arrival) "Bo you're an idiot."
Dad: "Why Mom?"
Gigi: "No special reason."

Me: "I mean, she's the oldest, you're the baby, she's the mother, she's creative, he's the boy...I mean what am I?"
Sarah: "Aw, Peige...I don't know...give me a second to think about it."



Bo: "What? You don't believe in standing out as White Anglo Saxons?"
Charissa (matter of fact): "I'm black."


"Sarah and I decided what to call you (ladies at the church)...you are the W.A.M's or the W.A.M Jr.'s. Women Accepting Menopause or the Women Approaching Menopause. And we are Y.A.M's. Yougin's Admiring Men."


-Charissa Reed Gray (1.31.09)


---Family Conversation on a Christian fiction writer's books---

(More specifically her Family Drama series) 

"At least she doesn't have to worry about characterization, because all her books are about the same people."

-Sarah Ann Gray (1.31.09)



(More specifically on the similarity of Characters)

"Names changed to protect the idiots."

-Deborah Lynn Gray (1.31.09)

-------------End-----------

"Who would have thought the Paul Newman would be so successful at selling salad dressing?"

-Robert Andrew Gray (4.14.08)


"You're ruining my life...but thanks for driving"
-Sarah Ann Gray (4.26.08)



"Nobody can clean a peanut butter jar like me."
-Robert Irvin Gray Jr. (4.27.08)



(sigh)

"Andrew ate the cheese."
-Robert Irvin Gray Jr. (05.03.08)



"Dear Lord, Thank you for my doughnuts and the nieces who provided them, I think I love them more."
-Catherine Jean Draeger Menendez (5.11.08)



"Today I made a new aspiration that I hope to one day have a quote on your wall...I’m really moving home for that express purpose."


-Charissa Reed Gray (6.25.08)



"Okay so this five dollar bill is bothering me...I'll give it to the church."


-Sara Anne Grey (7.23.08)


"We really shouldn't release me on another country."


-Lydia Lynn Gray (8.26.08)



"This morning I woke up and couldn't remember what country I was in."


-Lydia Lynn Gray (12.19.08)





"I have to get in the shower before Charissa gets home or she'll steal it from me. So if I hear the door open I'm running for the bathroom and I've been there all along. Okay?"


-Sara Anne Grey (10.09.2008) 




"75% of my conversation today has been about my tissues."


-Charissa Reed Gray (11.15.08)




(To my 88 year old Grandmother) "Hey Happy Birthday! You're old as crap."


-Robert Andrew Gray (1.23.09)




"Don't take anything at face value. Take it all with a grain of salt, and some pepper for added flavor."


-Lydia Lynn Gray (1.5.09)




"When Bo starts to talk, then I will go into Sunday School, because it will be long."


-My 3 yr old adopted nephew on whether he will go to sunday school or stay with his parents in "big church" which my father, Bo, happens to pastor.






"Your father would die without an audience."


-My Mother




---Family Conversation on Towel Laundering---



“Now girls I want you to pick one day a week to be your towel day.”


-Deborah Lynn Gray (1.21.09)



“That’s right girls, all the other day’s of the week. You’ll just have to shake dry.”


-Robert Irvin Gray Jr. (1.21.09)

------------End-----------


"When you have teeth link mine it's easy to get your teeth cleaned, you just go to the dentist, take them out and hand them over."
-Gigi


"Coffee is a catalyst for the Holy Spirit"
-Pamela Gray



Lydia:  nice picture. glenn and i will make sure to model our marriage on yours. we will start working on diving over one another's heads and we can compete over christmas.
Pam: Don't put too much pressure on yourselves. It's all about the technique- takes a lot of time and practice.


I am now officially up way too late and when I post this and share the link on facebook most of you will get it in the morning as you check your accounts. I will end with this. My family (Gigi, Bo, Debbie, Cathy, Mark, Pam, Liz,  Drew, Glenn, Chris, Lyd, and Sarah and so many others)  bless my socks off every single time I see a glimpse of their faces or hear their voices (as is the case most recently) and I cannot express how much they mean to me. Hopefully with this collage  voices, you will appreciate them more. I end with an entreaty to each of you. No matter what you have felt in the past about your family, this holiday go looking for those quirks, those sitcom ready moments that make you laugh and fall in love all over again with the God given concept of family, whether it be the one you're born into or the one who adopted you (literally or spiritually) family is a gift, never forget it.