Dear Wonder,

A friend of mine once wrote -

" I would like to hold myself accountable to keep changing. To keep looking at the stars and being amazed. To love God and His people. To remember that whatever I may be going through that the Creator of the seasons and the Author of these thoughts knows exactly what He is doing."

I love this. My favorite part is "hold myself accountable...to keep looking at the stars and being amazed." When was the last time you did that?

I believe in wonder. People are so easy to loose it. To stop looking at the stars. To stop feeling the breeze, to stop looking at the world around them and wonder and it's beauty. Even in the middle of Greensboro, my city full of ghetto, gangs, trafficking, and the 2nd worst allergies in the nation, there is things to find wonder-full. God is my biggest one. 

I wonder at God. God who gives so much. God who loves me, when I continually screw up. I just spent the ten minute car ride home in a mixture of sobbing and laughing because I was so overwhelmed with the generosity of the family I work for and the Grace of God that my job is doing something that I absolutely adore. Why in the heck do I get to do that? Why am I so blessed?

Tonight, after the kids went to bed, I was channel surfing. I landed on AMC where Independence Day was playing. I watched Bill Pullman's President character give his speech to the pilots about to go up to fight the massive space ship in that speech he spoke about fighting for their right to live. 

Since when did we have a right to anything? What in the world have I done to deserve the life I have been given? I'll tell you - nothing. I know how to work with kids. That is a gift God gave me and I delight in it. I get paid very generously - and it blows my socks off every time they hand me the check. The grace of God boggles my mind. 

We have become a people who look for what we deserve. As many times as I may think I would do my job without the pay check I think a couple weeks in I would be looking for compensation of some sort. Even as I do my job, I expect the families to be okay with me eating their food, because I am watching their kids instead of cooking for me and I deserve to eat. It is my "right" as a human being to eat. 

This writing is either ill-timed or perfectly-timed at Christmastime. Around this time of year, people are more likely to take account of what they have. At the same time, they just as likely to be looking for they deserve (being with family, presents under the tree, time off work, bonus checks). 


I watched Charlie Brown Christmas last night and actually paid attention to the words they spoke for the first time. Charlie's little sister at one point says plainly of her list to Santa, "I'm just looking for what I deserve, I'm looking for what's coming to me." 

You know what was coming to you child? Death. Chew on that. 

The wise, blanket toting member of Chuck's gang brought the whole episode together by quoting the story of Jesus. However, people ( yeah including me)  get hung up on the manger, the wise men and the whole prophecies thing. We don't get hung up on the simple fact that He came. My verse for the Christmas season is not from Matthew, Luke of Isaiah, it is from 1 John 4:9 

"By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him."

I have had "love manifested life" written in sharpie on the inside of my arm for the past two days and plan to keep it there for the rest of the season, because I want it to remind me that because of Christmas I have life. I don't have it because I wasn't aborted. I don't have it because my parents had mutual friends in college. I don't have it because my grandmother walked into the SUP store at U of Alabama in time to hear my grandfather give a speech. I don't have it because my ancestor escaped Prussia before freaking Fredrick the Great could kill him. I don't have it because it is my right. I have it because 2000 some years ago the love of God was manifested in us by coming into the world so that we can have life. Every year I am reminded of this, and every year despite my failure to hold on to it, it rings true. That is a testimony in and of itself. 

This is Christmastime, I am overwhelmed by Grace given me through my employers who as far as I can tell have not even bothered to explain to their six year old that some people believe in a thing called God. Every day is given and here as a result of what we celebrate on Christmas. Love. Manifested. Life. 

Therefore I challenge myself to keep walking forward, to keep searching and getting to know the God that knows my everything and still showers me with amazing grace. I want to wake up in the morning and thank Him. I want to lie down at night and bless Him. I want to merge onto 1-40 west and sing His praise from every ounce of my being, because I can. Not because it is my right, but because it is His gift. 

Thank you Jesus. You rock my world. 

Click this link to my latest theme song - for the purposes of this post, I want to highlight the bridge.

"You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North

Dear Family, You Make Me Laugh.

As the holiday season snowballs in, I begin to miss my family more and more. They support me, listen to me, talk with me, hug me, and most them our OCD about handing me tissues when I cry, but what I really miss around the holidays are the laughs. It has been said more than once that my family could be a successful and entertaining sitcom. So I have endeavored over time to jot down some of the things that come out of their mouths. Some may seem lame to you, but if you know my family you can imagine the delivery. I thought I would share some of these "insights" into life as a member of the Gray Family with my seven followers. So for you enjoyment, I present - the words of the Family De Grau.

Dad: (On the low amount we were reimbursed by our aunt for the co-op order that included 30 ibs of organic raisins) "What? They only took two pounds of rasins?  You need to start telling Mark (Uncle) he looks constipated."


Gigi: (on arrival) "Bo you're an idiot."
Dad: "Why Mom?"
Gigi: "No special reason."

Me: "I mean, she's the oldest, you're the baby, she's the mother, she's creative, he's the boy...I mean what am I?"
Sarah: "Aw, Peige...I don't know...give me a second to think about it."



Bo: "What? You don't believe in standing out as White Anglo Saxons?"
Charissa (matter of fact): "I'm black."


"Sarah and I decided what to call you (ladies at the church)...you are the W.A.M's or the W.A.M Jr.'s. Women Accepting Menopause or the Women Approaching Menopause. And we are Y.A.M's. Yougin's Admiring Men."


-Charissa Reed Gray (1.31.09)


---Family Conversation on a Christian fiction writer's books---

(More specifically her Family Drama series) 

"At least she doesn't have to worry about characterization, because all her books are about the same people."

-Sarah Ann Gray (1.31.09)



(More specifically on the similarity of Characters)

"Names changed to protect the idiots."

-Deborah Lynn Gray (1.31.09)

-------------End-----------

"Who would have thought the Paul Newman would be so successful at selling salad dressing?"

-Robert Andrew Gray (4.14.08)


"You're ruining my life...but thanks for driving"
-Sarah Ann Gray (4.26.08)



"Nobody can clean a peanut butter jar like me."
-Robert Irvin Gray Jr. (4.27.08)



(sigh)

"Andrew ate the cheese."
-Robert Irvin Gray Jr. (05.03.08)



"Dear Lord, Thank you for my doughnuts and the nieces who provided them, I think I love them more."
-Catherine Jean Draeger Menendez (5.11.08)



"Today I made a new aspiration that I hope to one day have a quote on your wall...I’m really moving home for that express purpose."


-Charissa Reed Gray (6.25.08)



"Okay so this five dollar bill is bothering me...I'll give it to the church."


-Sara Anne Grey (7.23.08)


"We really shouldn't release me on another country."


-Lydia Lynn Gray (8.26.08)



"This morning I woke up and couldn't remember what country I was in."


-Lydia Lynn Gray (12.19.08)





"I have to get in the shower before Charissa gets home or she'll steal it from me. So if I hear the door open I'm running for the bathroom and I've been there all along. Okay?"


-Sara Anne Grey (10.09.2008) 




"75% of my conversation today has been about my tissues."


-Charissa Reed Gray (11.15.08)




(To my 88 year old Grandmother) "Hey Happy Birthday! You're old as crap."


-Robert Andrew Gray (1.23.09)




"Don't take anything at face value. Take it all with a grain of salt, and some pepper for added flavor."


-Lydia Lynn Gray (1.5.09)




"When Bo starts to talk, then I will go into Sunday School, because it will be long."


-My 3 yr old adopted nephew on whether he will go to sunday school or stay with his parents in "big church" which my father, Bo, happens to pastor.






"Your father would die without an audience."


-My Mother




---Family Conversation on Towel Laundering---



“Now girls I want you to pick one day a week to be your towel day.”


-Deborah Lynn Gray (1.21.09)



“That’s right girls, all the other day’s of the week. You’ll just have to shake dry.”


-Robert Irvin Gray Jr. (1.21.09)

------------End-----------


"When you have teeth link mine it's easy to get your teeth cleaned, you just go to the dentist, take them out and hand them over."
-Gigi


"Coffee is a catalyst for the Holy Spirit"
-Pamela Gray



Lydia:  nice picture. glenn and i will make sure to model our marriage on yours. we will start working on diving over one another's heads and we can compete over christmas.
Pam: Don't put too much pressure on yourselves. It's all about the technique- takes a lot of time and practice.


I am now officially up way too late and when I post this and share the link on facebook most of you will get it in the morning as you check your accounts. I will end with this. My family (Gigi, Bo, Debbie, Cathy, Mark, Pam, Liz,  Drew, Glenn, Chris, Lyd, and Sarah and so many others)  bless my socks off every single time I see a glimpse of their faces or hear their voices (as is the case most recently) and I cannot express how much they mean to me. Hopefully with this collage  voices, you will appreciate them more. I end with an entreaty to each of you. No matter what you have felt in the past about your family, this holiday go looking for those quirks, those sitcom ready moments that make you laugh and fall in love all over again with the God given concept of family, whether it be the one you're born into or the one who adopted you (literally or spiritually) family is a gift, never forget it. 

To My "Group" in British Literature: Romantic to Modern

We came into the class not knowing each other at all. I remember walking into class, I'm not sure if it was the first or second day of class, after hiking up all 6 flights of stairs to get to the fourth floor (yeah 72 stairs up and down with a 15 pound backpack every Tuesday and Thursday - its good times), I saw this girl sitting in "my row" of any classroom.

My row is the back row on the left side. I sit in the back because I like to look at people and know where they are. I don't like having my back to them. Maybe its deep rooted trust issues, maybe its deep rooted self esteem, maybe I've watched too much Alias, I'll never know, nor do I really care. I just do it. The whole sitting on the left side thing I have no clue about, I just noticed it. (I tend to sit on the left side in church too - go figure).

 Anyway this girl's name was Callie I would later find out and before class commenced another girl sat down on the row too, and ate an apple. This was unusual. This was my last first class for my first semester at University of North Carolina at Greensboro, and I had yet to find the back row so popular.

The apple eater I soon discovered was named Ally. Yes, Callie and Ally. I think the teacher just got them straight last week, if they "switched names" on her though I don't think she'd notice. In her defense, she has a lot of students in that class alone.

Later on Amanda joined our group, with her newspaper. Yes again, Amanda sits in class and reads the paper, but I swear she can put it down and be (or sound like) the most well versed person in the class. Its a skill.

So there we are in the back. Amanda, Priscilla, Callie, and Ally, and let me tell you, we have some good times, mostly because the Good Lord gave each and everyone of us a dry sense of humor.

Let me tell you about this class. Its British Lit. I love the poems, and novels, the essays not so much. Its rare I read and comprehend those. Callie tends to not put much into concentrating on any reading, Ally seems to be somewhere in-between, but spends time putting mini post it bookmarks at each reading with the date and color coded to the section, so she looks super impressive. Amanda will read or not read, but she always reads the paper and always sounds intimidating so you can't ever tell.

I love these girls. I love that we sit in our corner in the back of the classroom offering Amanda and I's occasional insight to the conversation and do our own "thing".

As previously stated Amanda has a newspaper, I doodle house blueprints or list names (today Callie and I had a competition to think of the most names of one letter - I missed some really obvious ones like Dylan or Dwight! I mean come on). Callie organizes her planner and doodles everything and anything all over her notes. Ally eats her Granny Smith apple. Like clockwork.

If we are supposed to split up in groups of three to four, we've got it covered immediately. Inevitably Amanda and I will get into a debate, Ally will pull out her over organized anthology and Callie will tell everyone to shut up and get out of the group (while she's smiling - real hardcore I know). This class is one of my favorites for three reasons and they are as follows:

1) We get to read fun literature and learn about - I'm an English Major
2) I love the teacher and her style and approachability
3) Amanda, Callie, and Ally

Thanks you three, for invading my back row and being my friends. You make me laugh every Tuesday and Thursday for the hour and 15 minutes at the end of the day. 'Precsh.

Dear Little Sister,

An important part of this transfer process is leaving those who I hold dear, and I realized tonight that one of the hardest things about this process is not being able to be there for my little sister.

If you don't know her, I am sorry for you. I am so insanely proud to get to be her sister, just ask me. Not only because of the things she does, because she is more driven than I'll ever be (and it never ceases to impress and challenge me) but because of who she is, her person. I can literally not imagine what my life would be like with out that happy addition to the family at the end of 1993.

No matter how many times we fought, (and I spoiled her dramatic walk outs with my need for long talk-outs ) we grew together in that awful yellow room with that rainbow fan, and for all the times I made you feel inferior, or inadequate, I'd like to say that I never meant to, but sometimes I probably did, though I have a hard time imagining it now, I apologize.

I treasure the time I got to spend with you, just the two of us at home, I miss it more than I can ever communicate with you. There are moments out here where I just wish I could be there standing back and cheering you on in everything you do, and just so you know I am, from way back 5 hours away.

I am sorry I am a terrible phone communicator and have resolved to do better, because plain and simple, I miss you.

I can not wait to watch and see the life you live, no matter what happens. I wish I could just be a positive encouragement to your life, but I know I stink at it without even meaning to, but know that you are amazing and beautiful and I am privileged to know you and honored to be your sister.

I love you so much!

Your sister,

P.J (and you should see the ones I'm wearing right now - whew! you'd have some comments : )

Steve's Friendly BP

Oh God, you are incredible with how you take care of me.

I drove to the gas station thinking once again of the pathetic estate of my bank accounts (checking and savings) and how I do not feel as much panic as in the past and maybe I'm finally learning to trust God completely with it. He's taken care of me every step of the way through this Greensboro business and grown me so much along the way. I get out of the car to put my ten dollars in the tank. My first mistake lies in my accidentally grabbing the silver gas to fill up my car, which I notice before pumping any into the tank. After successfully filling it with the green I realize my second mistake. My car is locked, and my keys are lying on the passenger seat. At the moment I am having trouble recalling even getting out of the car.

I have a cold, and my head is not spinning very quickly right now.

I think I stand there for a moment and walk into the "office" of this BP station. An older women calls out a friendly, "Hello, how are you?" I respond with at half-hearted, "Hi." Then walk to the counter, where I can make eye contact past the lottery display, "I just locked my keys in the car." The response was an immediate sympathetic, "Oh."

Without going in to too great a detail, she and her husband, who apparently owned and ran the business, determined that they could not get my car open without damaging the lock system more than I wanted to pay for. They asked if I had a spare key, which I do at the apartment, the keys to which where on my key ring, on the passenger seat. My roommate has keys, but she was at school and my cell phone, with her number on it, was also locked in the car. They told me to come in and think about it, then I recalled that my dad had Meg's number in his phone, and I have all of his numbers memorized. So they let me use the phone to call him. He gave me Meg's number, but thought he had better call him, so I don't use more of the very nice people's long distance. While I sat and waited for Meg or my Dad to call back. I engaged in a little small talk with the lady running the register. I learned that this is a family run establishment, a gas station and repair shop. I learned that she was referred to as "Momma" by her husband who ran it, and she asked one of the younger generation of workers to go ask his brother if he had any fives. I also learned that I can get my car inspected and my oil changed there, for prices very similar to my beloved Napa Auto Parts store in Andrews, run by the dear Mr. Hicks.

As I sat there looking, I'm sure, extremely pathetic, what with the sniffing and coughing, I spoke to various workers about why I was sitting there. One man in particular, a forty something with a gotee, told me to look on the bright side, that my weekend could only get better. After less than ten minutes of waiting that very same man became the agent of change that made it so. He came walking in with a smile and held up my keys, "These what you looking for?" Turns out that he had "gone to his buddy's place" who had a kit, and got my door opened while I sat in the office. Needless to say, I was very very thankful, and expressed it as best I could. They told me not to worry about it, and gotee man said simply, "just come back next time you need gas." I assured him I would come back next time I needed anything for my car and drove away, calling off my dad and Meg.

Let me tell you, through this thing I sat praying that Meg would be able to answer the phone. I just (30 seconds ago) got a text from her saying she was in class and didn't get any of the messages. Even while I sat there, I did not feel more than an inkling of panic, because I knew that God knew that I literally did not have the money to pay a locksmith, so I was trusting Him, to figure out a way. And he did. Needless to say I am now a loyal customer of Steve's Friendly BP (oil spill or not) because those people deserve my business, as scant as  it may be.

"Our God is greater, Our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power, Our God, Our God....and if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if Our God is with us, then what could stand against? Into the darkness You shine, out of the ashes we rise."

My First Child Will be Named Jason Tate

Hello to all my devoted readers ( what is that four of you subscribed now? Bam - feeling accomplished ; )

Today I am struck with a need to talk about my new city. The good news is, every day it grows on me. From campus to new "perks" I discover in the streets. Or in my geeky way, new road's I discover to get to the old perks. ( Yes I am a direction geek - I love my backroads). I will now just hit the highlights.

Barnes and Noble (with Starbucks cafe) - This is the first place I discovered due to the need for an internet connection. It is about 3 minutes from my house and therefore convient and I need not explain the perks of coffee and books and free wi-fi. Together and apart, everyone can find something exciting in an establishment like this.

Harris Teeter - for those of you not of this region, this is a grocery store. Also 3 minutes from my house. The connivence is killer, let me tell you. Or if you some of the dear people in Cherokee or White county you understand the excitement of not driving 10 - 30 minutes every time you run out of bananas. This store, while odd enough in its name, has a few nick names in our house. From Megan (roommate) Harvey Tweeter, the name, she informed her family back home, of the grocery store she'd be using. Like I said, Harris Teeter is a regional thing, and can be somewhat mis-named. From my end I call it "The Teet" this name comes from my sister's time in Chapel Hill, where they also had a Teet, within five minutes of their abode. Needless to say, with such sparkling name options, Harris Teeter is becoming as foreign to us as it is to you.

Wal-Mart (and Target) - these stores are of critical importance when moving in, or when you are cheap like us. 2 days after moving to Greensboro and armed only with a semi-clear google map, Megan Beth Muthersbaugh and I set out to find them. After some sketchy trial and error. (There is a road called, "Burnt Poplar" - yeah its as forbidding as the name suggests) We came across a Wal-Mart, but failed to find Target. Megan tried again at another point and eventually went with her parents when they came down a few days later. They found it, reportedly "past the Wal-Mart" on Wendover Ave (big busy and my so far my biggest nemesis street - we are not such great friends). Later as I ventured to Wal-Mart I decided to look for this Target myself. So I turned right out of the Wal-Mart parking lot and lo' and behold there is a HUGE sign not 30 yards up the road stating: TARGET! ROSSES! MICHAELS! MACYS! PETSMART! Yea even as I felt myself laughing in irony I discovered that not only were they close there was actually a small connecting road that binds the Wal-Mart and Target etc parking lots together...that's just how massive they are (or how blind we were...but lets just stick with the massive bit)

UNC-G - Yes, my school itself is magical. I love the campus! Every day there is some new little out of the way pathway I discover that leads between these amazing old buildings that look downright Revolutionary War period. I love it! While they are land locked and running out of space to expand there is still an abundance of trees in the back part of campus where all my classes are. I'll do my best to get some pictures of it. I love it!

And finally, the place that inspired this post and it's title.

TATE STREET COFFEE HOUSE!

I am now in love with this place as well as Jason's Deli (as it was a large section of my last post I did not feel the need to include it here). I went here because of my friend, Michelle, informed me that they have gluten cookies and pastries etc. I walked in, surveyed the goods and decided I was not feeling a ginger cookie or a truffle at this point in time and considered walking out, but thought, okay I should check out the coffee too and get a vibe on this place. They are the friendliest people ever! There were regulars that came in behind me and as soon as the man I perceived to be in charge saw them, he whipped out their coffee of choice. Or if they came up to the register the right hand man would be like, "Iced coffee and a muffin?" and he'd be right. Every person that walked by the counter got a "Happy Friday" as you leave you got a "Thank you sir!" or "Have a good day sweetheart!" nothing really matched or looked really new and it could be considered over crowded, but the people who ran it, saved it from any of these depressing adjetives. I am needless to say a fan and will definitely be going back. Also I have decided to check out the other coffee shops surrounding campus. Coffeeology up the street looked like a posher, possibly more expensive version. (By the way I also got the best soy latte I've ever had for a dollar cheaper than I've ever paid). The Coffee Bean is down Spring Garden and there are at least 2 more I can't name. However, rest assured they will appear here, on this blog, for all my reader's viewing pleasure. Who knows maybe we can get 10 followers! Make this happen people! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! Also in Jason and Tate, my new best friends  : )

Have an awesome day!

Welcome - AKA Potato Salad, Aristotle, and my Love Affair with Jason's Deli

So as the title may suggest: I transfered to Greensboro! For those of you from North Georgia, the one in North Carolina and for everywhere else, why yes there is a Greensboro GA!

I transfered from a lovely little community college in Murphy NC, where I spent a happy 3 years. And before you judge 3 years at a 2 year school...I was in high school for two of them. Yeah I graduated with 45 college credit hours! How's your laughter now?

To keep moving forward in life I am an English major who likes to write and therefore today, as I was chopping up my successfully boiled (first attempt and I didn't even call my mom!) eggs and potatoes to make my random potato salad, I thought, "Hey I could write about this and it would be fun!" I often have a random commentary of life going in my head anyway so why not let the world hear part of it?!

So first - Welcome to "Excerpts from the Commentary in My Head". And now we're moving on.

As previously stated I made potato salad this morning which is currently chilling in the 'fridge so the flavors can meld (I'm making this word work) together better, before I take the plunge and try my recipe-free creation. This got me thinking about food, which I like. My brother, before I left expressed his concern that I should take a stand against the "freshman 15", a battle that he lost in his own time. We were both quickly reminded of two things going in my favor against this. (1) I am not a freshman, but a junior (2) I am off campus and while that means that I could get fat off of the abundance of cheap food, I am allergic to 95% of the junk food that he ate. (I am a proud member of the Lactose Intolerant Celiac club). As a result of these realizations we did not put much effort into to worrying about this.

To tie into this food discussion I need to mention my new love affair with Jason's Deli. Upon my first arrival in Greensboro, I went shopping at Harris Teeter (aka Harvey Twitter or The Teet) with my mom. While shopping for bargains in various "junk food" as soy yogurt and rice and beans, we took it upon ourselves to find if The Teet had any gluten free bread. My mother, the go getter that she is, decided to pull aside an employee and just ask. Now, normally I fully support this practice and as a former employee getting to help customers could really brighten a dull routine. However, I do suggest that you make sure it is an employee in the store you are shopping in. Yes, my mother had snagged an unsuspecting, dread locked, Jason's Deli employee to ask about Harvey Tweeter products. He was terribly nice about it and simply informed her that her guess was as good as his about this store, but he knew that his own establishment sold it by the loaf. Not a bad ploy if you think about it. This could have been his whole job, just standing in the bread aisle hooking dissatisfied Harris Teeter customers. However odd the ploy may be, it worked. Not 2 weeks later I was out running errands and decided to explore this option. (Jason's Deli is conveniently located on the opposite side of the Harris Teeter parking lot - yet another clue to this mass plot against each other). I entered the deli and came out 12 dollars poorer, but the owner of the biggest loaf of bread I had ever seen, period. I took it home and discovered that it was THE FREAKING BEST THING EVER!!! And am now in the acceptation phase of a newfound addiction to toast.

Disclaimer: I say "freaking" to emphasis the point in a G rated setting. It is not a part of my normal dialogue and should therefore to be taken as the very extreme happiness I found in this loaf of bread. You celiacs will back me up, you normal Wonderbread people...well, we can still be friends.

Now to the final point and possible reason for the length of this post. Aristotle.

I am required for my degree to take ENG 305, aka Introduction to Rhetoric. This teacher had a "rebirth" so to speak in her teaching style. She was so bored with her previous text book that she decided to dump it and now we read direct from the big guy himself....Aristotle. Who unbeknownst to me (till now) is somewhat of the king of rhetoric. And so I have been assigned some 60 pages of his work on the subject. A very tiresome thing. This is not your daughter's high school debate class. This dude is serious, and seriously long winded. I mean, how can someone write on logic in so illogical a manner? If you try to read this stuff in speech form to an audience you are going to loose them faster than Sunday night preacher during the Super Bowl! So my question is, what in heaven's name possessed this man to think that he could hold an audience ( who have other lives in fact) if he wrote it all down?

In all seriousness, if you weed out the wordiness and the way he talks in circles sometimes, its really good stuff, but its rather tiresome and somewhat boring to do so, but that is the price we pay for knowledge. And that note I sign off, to make some egg salad with my successfully boiled eggs to put on my love, (TOAST!!!) to eat whilst I wade through the final 40 pages of this blessed assignment on Aristotle.

Au revoir!